By: William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Everyone should see the movie that has recently made this poem so famous. It is really inspiring. Happy Christmas Break!!!


riding the line

I went to Costa Rica after I graduated from high school. The timing worked out because I had just broken my heart by breaking someone else's-- and the spanish, jungles, beaches and pineapple provided fantastic distraction. We went ziplining through the rain forest. This was no ordinary zip line- the longest was 1/2 mile and reached speeds of 60 mph. In between each line, we hiked to the next tree or metal platform to climb up the stairs and begin anew. The tallest platform was several stories high and was waving in the wind because it was stormy. Breathless, I summited those steps into white fog. I couldn't see beyond the platform edge. Once strapped into my harness I sort of panicked. The predictable green was spread below and the sky only white. Skies aren't supposed to be white. I had no idea what was beyond that edge...it was foggy and windy and raining and the line was bouncing.

I feel this way again--panicky, excited, sightless, breathless, and scared out of my mind. I have no idea where I will be next year. Could be seattle, boulder, boston, phoenix, provo, salt lake, tuscon...

Hiking with my dad every morning over break was so needed. It is what we do, always. (His desk contains a lot: pictures of his children, ridiculous post-it notes from me, a rancor statue from star wars, an alien doll I made him in 3rd grade, court papers, scriptures, fish hooks, and so many books. So many books.) He wondered aloud where I will be next year...and then I wondered the same thing, and what will I be doing? Will I have friends? Will I be brave? Will everything seem too new?

I take the GRE on Saturday. Pray for me.

Just so you know, I jumped off that platform with a shout and the ride ended up being one of the most exciting thrills of my life. I'm going to make this one be the same. Hooty Hoo!



"The work of the Lord is one of vast magnitude and almost beyond the comprehension of mortals. Its glories are past description, and its grandeur unsurpassable."
--Joseph Smith



green onion
lots of lime
*add however much pleases you.

get chips that have "a hint of lime."

i am addicted.



Attention: STOP making out in the library. It disgusts everyone around you. If you must, reserve a study room with your lover or something. But rubbing her "back" (upper buttock) is not appropriate in a public place of study.

In other news, watch this.


don juan carlooos

Last week we had a visitor at our apartment: Don Carlos. He belongs to Linx's aunt Brenda in SLC, and she kindly lent him for a while. He has sooo much hair and so much love to offer. Now that he is gone, I am admittedly a bit depressed. Every day when I got home, there was the little guy to greet me. We went on many walks together. If I did homework for hours on end, he just slept peacefully beside me, content. At the end of the week, as a going away present, he jumped on his hind legs like a rabbit (!) Here's to you, Carlos. I Miss you.

This week I went to Macbeth the opera (awesome) and the Tell-Tale-Heart, a play, and the stepfather, a scary movie. Doing my best to take advantage of Halloween. On Friday I went up to Salt Lake to spend the evening with my dear, hilarious, gorgeous cousins Amy and Anna. We had a spooky time at a haunted mansion/trek forest shindig. We also snuck upstairs to see 'real' ghosts, because the homes are truly haunted. We didn't see any that we know of, but if sure made for a good time. I love you girls.

In other news, school is killing me. Draining out my spirit slowly. But its ok...there is a good reason. Tomorrow (wednesday) I am flying to Denver to see my family! We are all convening there mostly because we just want to see one another, and partly because it is Halloween. I have sucessfully finished all homework for the week as of a few minutes ago, so I will have nothing to worry about. I'm taking my nieces trick-or-treating on Halloween (you should be jealous).

*It snowed today, and the snow reminded me of Bejiing snow. Ah, China, how I miss you as well.


yeah, this really happened

A few days ago I was driving home and was approaching a red light and needed to turn left. Right as I began to slow down, the left turn arrow turned green, so I could fluidly continue on without slowing. After this happened, I realized I had both winked and pointed at the left turn signal because it timed everything perfectly. I find myself doing things like this more than I would like to admit, and it always happens when I am alone. But now I have confessed. Try winking at a light someday, you will laugh at yourself for the rest of time.


worst morning.

I am ticked. My car was towed sometime around 3 am. It is my own fault, which makes me even more upset.

Anyone who gets fulfillment in life by towing cars should... (edited for content).


Listen up, America!

I want everybody who reads my blog to know: Irregardless is not the correct word! Merriam-Webster states:
"The most frequently repeated remark about "irregardless" is that there is no such word. There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead".

Regardless is the word you are searching for (if you want to sound educated, anyway).
Thank you for your time,


Happy Birthday!

(ha! This is the most awkward photo I could scrounge up...his arm placement is outrageous!)

This special day belongs to two of the most delightful people I know.
Happy Birthday Erica! Happy Birthday Amy!
I really hope every one of your dreams come true. Thanks for being the best friends! Some common traits these babes have: Hilarious, Inappropriate, Entertaining, Highly witty, Zany, Fun, Loving, Kind, Helpful, cheerful and occasional but mild cussers. Love you both.


I googled pirate girl...

My sister-in-law Ellie teaches first grade and is having "pirate day" tomorrow. She asked me to dress up and tell the kids a story (woo hoo!). I googled 'pirate girl' for inspiration. Goin' to the tatoo parlor tonight! I know Amy will appreciate this.


speak to me

I went to a poetry reading by Kevin Hart a few days ago. I started crying in the auditorium with my creative writing class flanking my sides; his poetry speaks truth. This poem is from a series entitled "Three Prayers."


Master of light, my God
Before whom stars tremble
And fall into themselves,

Who glows within each thing
Beyond reach of language
And deeper than silence,

Who passes through the dark
That draws us towards death
And makes it one with you,

Whose light is everywhere
Wherein I stand and see
My shadow disappear.


come back

If only best friends didn't move away to New York. Erica, I miss you.


keep on shinin'



Crazy intense reading load already. Ahhh yeah. My brain was feelin rusty.

Sooo mormon.

But all of those things are okay because I am here again. I know this place and my place in it. I always forget how beautiful Utah is in the summer until I come back. It's a bit strange being back after 5 months cause now I'm an elitist senior. It feels pretty great. I already know that my favorite classes will be EDGAR ALLAN POE (!) and American Lit [1960-Present]. I am totally stoked to read creepy, macabre, depressing stories. Today I read snippets of Poe's biography and was laughing aloud. His poetry is about horror instead of love: I think we will get along quite well this semester. Pretty sure he would prefer wuthering heights to pride and prejudice like me.
I'm with my laaaadies and loving every minute of it. Cal left a vampire cut-out in the bathroom before I even arrived to scare me. She "wanted to start the year off right". And we have a loft with a spiral staircase and tons of windows.
I saw my Smokin' wood bandies yesterday and it felt wonderful. We spent our entire lives together last year. Mike called the young ambassadors--the young badassadors in our meeting. I turned purple trying not to laugh tooo loud.
This year is going to be one of beginnings and endings. I'm not really sure how it will all fit together but I am anticipating some serious memory making.

*I have a handicap parking pass...Today I knew I was living right when I rolled up to class while everyone else walks 2 miles. Back surgery IS good for some things.


rejoice, a child is going to be born

My dear dear sister KATIE is going to bear a MAN-child in december!
I went to her ultra-sound and I saw him. I was one of the first to see this tiny person. He has working fingers and toes. A beating heart that looks like a fluttering bird. His skull makes him resemble Jack-skeleton. What will he look like? Will he love soccer and skiing, be obsessed with the king-cobra at the zoo, and be ecstatic to go camping--like me? Brown eyes or blue? Will he look anything at all like anyone? His sisters don't even appear to be sisters, really. I don't know what to expect, but I do know he'll be the first boy with three savvy, bomb-shell older sisters. If he is anything like them, my heart might bust from too much love.


For the record, ultra-sound experiences are waaaay better than live-birth experiences. The third baby my sister had was a 'gril' (as her 4-year-old-sister would say). Her gorgeous name is Eden Violet (I wish my name were half-as-exotic). Katie and I decided it would be a wonderful and bonding experience for me to attend her birth. I had high expectations, anticipations of angels and fire and melting heart-strings. Things didn't go quite so well. I arrived at the hospital at 1 am after driving home from California all night. I was totally exhausted in every way. Katie was sick and labor didn't really get going until 5 am. As soon as things got goin, I went up by her shoulders to watch. The Doctor had to "brake" the water (a better term would be "explode" the water) and as soon as the smell hit, I was done for. I stumbled my way under Katie's legs and the doctor's arms to the back of the room where some chairs promised relief. The nurse caught me as I passed out. Then threw up. Then passed out. Then threw up. I came around when Eden was pink and scrubbed and staring....and beautiful. Once she was out and free of gore, my heart-strings did melt, again and again. She was so new, so tender, so un-touched. A perfect being. That is how mr. boy will be too. But I think this time I'll wait in the hall.

"Eden, you're going to have a brother!"
Eden: "It's a BOY???!!!!!"

When Eden saw him on the screen, she said "Ooooh, a baby! He cryeen."
"Why, Eden?"
"He want hees mommy"


I'm off!

to see these heart-breakers

Ps my cello is home and i'm complete


my stars shoot for you

I am all chloriney from spendin time in the pool with Harley. Slowly China is melting off me. The dumplings, hi-chews and rice are leaving my thighs and stomach. Good ridance.

Two nights ago I was layin outside on the driveway contemplating the heavens because the temperature dropped by almost 40 degrees. Unreal right? It was 72. In the middle of summer. In arizona. Four stars shot for me. It was a big deal because they were real and I was alone. I see shooting stars everynight in my room--Katie put those sticky stars on the roof and the fan; they provide good company for drifting, dreamy thoughts.

* * * * * *
On Friday I took Cookie to lunch. She is my sister's lovely grandmother- in-law. Every summer I visit her in Prescott to see her new paintings, garden and book progression. This woman is formidable and strong. And she writes. She just finished her favorite novel and I am going to read it. We talked writing, creating. Someday I will be like her and finish a novel. Have my own garden. Create full time. Women like her show me who I want to be.

* * * * * * *

Zours are so good. I had never tasted them before Tyler sent them in my package. I had never heard some new coldplay songs til Jenny sent them in another.

Thanks for new experiences.

Ps. do you like the new look?



(hiking in style)

As you can see from my photo, I had some friends rescue me from the boredom of my summer: reading, relaxing, swimming, watching movies ect. This life sounds pretty lucrative at first, but 6 weeks of entertainment and little brain activity gets a bit dry. But just a bit. Erica, Spencer and Callie came down two weekends ago for some much needed togetherness before Sperica move to NYC for law school. I met Erica in Spanish sophomore year, when we realized we were applying for the same study abroad. Erica is lovely, hilarious, loyal, great note-writer and loving. We lived together in Spain and after until she married Spenc (skier, grounded, extreme intelligence, happy, entertaining). They started dating around the time we met, Erica's life and mine were paralleling each other because I had also started dating a boy. Obviously things worked out better for them than 'us'. ahem. I met California Frances on said study abroad in Spain and she also lived with Erica and I. Callie is also hilarious, totally chill, loves to scare me and is an awesome soccer player. The jokes, entertainment and zaniness never stop with this crew. It was truly delightful to have them here. I am so grateful they drove 12 hours both ways to visit the splendor that is Arizona!

We swam, ate, went to court, went boating, ate, played rock band, watched "oh brother where art thou" and had rhetorical battles. Clearly--it doesn't get much better than that. I love these people, they really are the cream of the crop. Thanks amigos!

"Don't be so wristist!"



I was in the car with my friend Sally who was dropping me off at my house in Phoenix. It was pretty late in the evening. The sky was dark, rolling and studded with lightning. This was no regular Arizona monsoon; it was hurricane-esque. When I arrived at my house my heart stopped when I saw what was waiting. Someone was trying to kill my family. What was it? A KITE with a KEY tied to the roof. Our assassin was trying to make lightning strike the house via the kite so it would explode. Hyperventilating from fear, I Suddenly realized that a huge fiery comet was streaking toward my house. We sped away just as the comet struck, crushing my house. From there everything was chaos. My sister Ellie was pregnant and we were trying to find shelter but everyone was trying to kill one another because the apocalypse had arrived. Think "war of the worlds". Right as I was supposed to die, I woke up in a cold sweat and couldn't go back to sleep.

The importance of this dream is not the nightmarish qualities, but he fact that a kite caused more fear than would bombs/ terrorists. That's all.


I am

I am inspired by: Literature

I always: Shower in the morning

I like Cream of wheat Better than Oatmeal

I never leave home without: Hair tie

I can't believe I:
Am graduating next April

I melt: In the Arizona sun

I find myself: Outside

I feel uncomfortable: In wool and nylons

I have decided: To be prepared

I am free when: I skiiii

I can cry: Over movies, books, songs, baby quail.

I will: Go to graduate school

I dream of: Being allowed to play soccer, complete triathlons and snow ski often (back and knees). And touching my toes.

I am digging: Halo by Beyonce

Most of the time I: Talk to someone in my family everyday

But usually: When I'm walking to class

I can't help: That my mouth turns downward, I'm really not frowning

I remain enamored with: Thunder storms, stars and sunsets

I can't: Cope with insects

I adore: Kisses on my forehead

I need: Laughter, endorphins and Love

I want: To be like my mom

It's strange that I: Enjoy cleaning

If I could, I would: Go Everywhere!

I: Am content and very blessed


My pets are peeving me

I have decided that the time has come to write about the life I lead in my back yard. Because I am usually awake for about 15 hours each day with very little to do, I spend a few of them in the pool... by myself. I still can't legitimately swim around, so I just bob around. This has led me to become a bird-watcher. My backyard is really quite interesting between the hours of 11am-1pm:

1. There is a huge raven that owns the spa. Our jacuzzi is higher than the rest of the pool and has a waterfall coming off of the front where birds like to get a refreshing drink in the summer heat. Not so when this beast is around. He won't let any other creature near the spa, and will attack anything that attempts it.
2. A million sparrows hang out in the tree of the neighbor behind me. They enjoy tricking the 'beast'. They work as a team to make him attack one bird while the rest get a sip until his return. Remarkable.
3. For a few days a huge yellow monarch butterfly lived outside. I loved it but it left.
4. I found a tiny red-racer snake swimming in the pool. I set him free in my garden.
5. We have a family of quail living around our yard. There were ten tiny babies to begin with and now there are only 5. This is extremely traumatizing and depressing to me. They are each about 2 inches tall. My dog Harley wants to kill them but I have prevented many attacks thus far.
6. Speaking of Harley, he has a secret life outside. When I am home alone he loves to prance around in the back yard by himself. This strange behavior started a few months ago. He never used to go outside during the summer unless accompanied by a homo sapien. Now he stays out there until he over-heats, gets asthmatic attacks and becomes a tiny oven. So weird.

I hope this is mildly entertaining. Maybe one day I will become a legit bird-watcher, you never know what you will see, even in your own backyard!


Arizona Rain

I woke up late this morning because last night I was with my little brother all night. We did it Sunday night too. Talking, laughing, understanding, hoping, waiting... being us.

Yesterday we watched a frightful movie during the day so it wouldn't be so scary. Even though I screamed a lot I wasn't really scared. But Matt closed the shutters so it would seem dark. The "dark" prevented us from realizing that outside was mirroring our movie. When it was over we looked outside and it was storming and winding. And the clouds were real dark. In Arizona, the rain smells like heaven does. When liz got here last night with memz, all wet from dancing in our wet heaven, she said "While I was driving, it suddenly started to rain... I saw how it smelled so I rolled down the window". It is clean, refreshing, new, hopeful... when it rains here I always feel those ways afterward. My freshmen year Mom mailed me a sprig of creosote to remember. And I did. I wish you could all wikipedia "creosote", and that they could have the smell attached online so you could really understand Arizona rain.
I don't even know who you are apart from a few cousins and liz and emily.
I just made you purple, how does that make you feel?
It's my favorite color- I turned you into something beautiful.

My house is quiet, the air conditioner is working hard because the rain yesterday made it humid outside. Dad is typing away, and has an auditory signal when he recieves emails. Pretty sure I'll never need one of those. Mom and Matt are driving to LA today. For me, or at least part of me. You see, they are taking my cello over for a "check-up", China left him banged up and he cracked. I can't drive with 'em because I am only at week 4 of recovery....

Someone should invent creosote cologne.

This blog post is really accurate- and therefore I think its beautiful: http://hollyandrose.blogspot.com/2009/07/something-about-being-campbell.html


Potter, Harry, Potter

I have an announcement to make: I am transferring to Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Forget BYU.

Harry Potter. Joy. Love. Enchantment. Laughs. Tears. All of these can be yours. I just saw Harry Potter 6, the half-blood prince. I loved it. Obviously. I would.

I do have a slight problem with it though: why is the man for me, my true soul mate, Mr. Potter....fictional? Everyone around me is getting married, yet the only men I manage to fall for are the fictional and studly heroes of novels. It doesn't matter what book, or what the protagonist is like....I even had a crush on Dracula when I read his spooky tale. I don't know what this means about me. But instead of lamenting the fact I am going to live vicariously through Ginny Weasley. Peace.




It has recently come to my attention that the David Hasselhoff, bay-watch hunk and wonder, is a judge on the TV show America's Got Talent. This completely baffles me. How does a man who produced the video above think himself a worthy candidate to judge talent of any kind? What is our entertainment/ country coming to? For heavens sake! There are ANGELS, floating star wars characters, flights on motorcycles and my personal favorite--a meal of a giant, raw fish.


Drum roll, please...

I know this is what you have been dying to see. Well, here I am, in full glory.



I've had quite a bit of time on my hands lately. To think. Although you may suspect I don't do it very often, rest assured, I am actively engaged at the present time. I have been laying on my back for 1 week, 1 day. I still have 4 weeks, 6 days left. Among that pondertime I have been dreaming some strange dreams thanks to oxycodine.
You are probably already bored, wondering, "what have you been thinking, and dreaming, sac attack?" I recently finished Beloved, by Toni Morrison. It is beautiful. And deals with slavery, focusing on a loss of freedom in every sense--even the non-ability to love. When they loved, their object of affection was always lost--not even lost, but sold. Their children. Husbands. Minds. Bodies.......everything. But me, how can I relate to this, attempt to reconcile it? I can't, really. But... I can love. My love isn't stolen away from me and sold. It's here. and now. It is solid. And so very real.
Real like my letters from Kandis and Whitney. And my text from Kori, who just wrote to say "I miss you". Like the get-well sunflowers in my room. These friends of mine, they drift in and out of my thoughts. And of my life. So many people.... intersecting with me for a period, then drifting off again. But leaving me changed. I think that is how most everything affects me: the impressions of Morrison, the faint laughter of carmen on the phone. All drifting in my mind, and returning, re-memorying when needed.
I am free.



Ouch. I have been sleeping for the past 4 days, drugged- with a few exceptions of delirious calls made to lament the loss of our dearly beloved Michael Jackson. My dad woke me up the other day to tell me he died and I don't think I ve ever been more confused before. I am still pretty woozy. My back was worse than anticipated so surgery was more intense and they had to remove extra bone. But I have been walking a bit and feel stronger each day. Ive watched 4 movies. Yesterday I took 9 hours worth of naps. Hasta.


Surgery Safari

On to other things, like the title of this blog. My surgical safari. Well as many of you know, I am having back surgery tomorrow. I've known I needed it since December, so its no surprise. Well, when school was getting out/ when I was in China, everyone kept asking me what my summer plans were. It seemed like everyone was doing amazing things like "Going to Jerusalem to save Orphans, alter Arab perceptions of Israel, and win the nobel prize while I write my Orca grant thesis on.... ect ect." Anyway, I applied to a really awesome program in the Dominican Republic last fall and got in! I was super excited, I thought it would be great to say I was going to China to tour like a rock star and then to the DR to teach kids. But...I couldn't go to the DR in lew of my surgery. I didn't love telling people about surgery because there is so much explaining to do, and because it made people feel sorry for me- which I totally hate. So I decided to call it my surgery safari (people go to africa to get plastic surgery and then when people ask where they were they say they were on safari) to make myself feel better. Be assured, I will be watching lots of planet earth and discovery chanel to make my experience more authentic. So...kives, IVs, anesthetic, white walls and tiled floors for me tomorrow! Its a 6 week recovery. Can't leave the house for the first 2. If you live in AZ ( I know this group is small) come visit me and maybe you'll get to see my scar! If you live elsewhere, I may be able to pencil in some chatting time between book reading and movie watching. Here I go! Yikes.


Welcome one and all.

I am now a legitimate blogger. I can't make many promises, but if you want to hear about my life or thoughts, this is the best way to do so without putting forth any effort. To start us off, I am going to share some things about my life with you. Whoever already knew the most of these things gets a prize!

-The title of my blog, sac town, was a name given to me from my friend Jason. He is now engaged, so don't make any crazy assumptions. The name sac somehow developed from my 7 bffs in high school and stuck.
-My favorite cereal varies day-to-day, but as a unit is my favorite form of sustenance. (spell check wanted to make that abstinence )
-I love being outside. I feel best about myself when I'm sick and sweaty after accomplishing something nature-esque. Seriously.
-I play the cello. I probably spent more time with him last year than anybody I know. We have a very loving relationship.
-I just got back from touring in China for a month with mountain strings folk music band and dance group. We called ourselves smokin' wood to more accurately represent our toughness. Mountain strings sounds sort of sissy.
- Reading fufills me.
-I was born to lay a nice curvaceous line in thigh deep powder.
-I hate having long fingernails.
-My hair curls by itself.
-I have had 10 surgeries. It will be 11 come Tuesday! Yikes. Back surgery.
-I'm not good at expressing emotion. Or being confrontational.
-My friends are totally wonderful and strange and sexy and kind.
-I am scuba certified.
-I pretend I can speak spanish. I lived in spain for 3.5 months.
-I love love love traveling. I only have 2 continents left to visit- Autsralia and Antarctica!
-Halloween and Christmas are the best days of the year.
- I am LDS.
-Daffodils are my favorite flowers.
-I really really want to go to India and Greece. And Egypt.
-My cousin Amy can speak to ghosts.
-I love soccer too, I played allll growing up. There is no better feeling than scoring goals.
-I wish I was artistic.
-I wish I went to school at Hogwarts. One day...
-Many of my friends just left or are shortly leaving on missions. Which means I am growing up, which is very frightening.
-I am preparing for the GRE and researching Grad schools. Again, very scary.
-I love cotton candy and theme parks.
-Integrity is crucially important to me. I think it is the most important quality.
-Night hikes are so adventerous.
-Banana oreo milk shakes. with ellie.
-You should read "waiting for snow in havanna", its the best book Ive ever read.
-I love double-stops.
-And ghost riding the whip.
-I own crocs. Wow. I know. Hideous but so functional.

We should be intimate friends by now. I'm done.