Let's review why I think Valentines is horribly awkward and annoying.
1. Once in high school I went on a few dates with a cutie on the guys soccer team. We hung out for a while but then things sort of tapered off because I wasn't feeling it. But of course Valentines day came around. For some reason, he saw this as the prime opportunity to declare his love to me. Well, that day at school he brought me a dozen roses but was too nervous to give them to me. I usually worked through lunch in the student government room, so the boy came there, threw the roses at me and ran out of there. Seriously.
Later that night I had a soccer game and went to bed around 11. My mom came in and woke me around midnight, saying "there's a bunch of boys at the door for you; you need to go out there." What boys? I mumbled? "I don't know, but they're in tuxes and there are roses so go!" WHAT?! I told her there was NO WAY I would go out there, having been recently asleep, wearing booty shorts and no bra. My mom forced me to go out there.
So, I arrive at the front door, and who awaits? The soccer boy, who was also in an a capella group with all of the popular boys at my school. Like 8 of them.
They proceeded to sing me several songs. All eyes on me. Dance moves, the occasional rose, and soccer boy kneeling with arms outstretched belting his heart out. I had no idea where to look or what to do. My mom was around the corner crying because she was laughing so hard.
This is my personal idea of hell, people. I hate a capella music, I hate valentines day, I hate being awoke in the middle of the night, and now, I hated the soccer kid.
2. On the same day, when I had arrived home from school, I found a bunch of crap on my porch with my name on it. A teddy bear and chocolates and stuff. I hate teddy bears. Nobody wants a plush toy. There was a note from a guy that said he had loved me since grade school. Keep in mind, we literally hand't spoken since grade school.
Ever since that fateful day, I have disliked <3 day. Random guys come out of the word work, thinking that this day is their excuse to be unacceptably aggressive in proclaiming their affections. Oh, bother.
Here's to wishing all of you a Happy Valentines!
2.11.2011
1.31.2011
rice-o-bice
Sometimes life is just stressful. It's been one of those weeks (for several weeks).
So, I was super happy to talk to my sister today. While talking about the bachelor or something, I heard my niece singing in the background: "we gone light it up like it's rice-o-bice." Apparently my nieces love the song "Dynamite" and mistook the word dynamite for "rice-o-bice."
A few days ago, I was talking to same said sister and asked what she was doing. She said she was outside at her new house sitting in the sun-shine, listening to my 3-year-old niece "sing her life story." What is more lovely and sweet than that?
And guess what? I am going home to see them on Wednesday. Praise heaven. Hallelujah.
So, I was super happy to talk to my sister today. While talking about the bachelor or something, I heard my niece singing in the background: "we gone light it up like it's rice-o-bice." Apparently my nieces love the song "Dynamite" and mistook the word dynamite for "rice-o-bice."
A few days ago, I was talking to same said sister and asked what she was doing. She said she was outside at her new house sitting in the sun-shine, listening to my 3-year-old niece "sing her life story." What is more lovely and sweet than that?
And guess what? I am going home to see them on Wednesday. Praise heaven. Hallelujah.
1.20.2011
New Year
My little brother, Matt, is serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in New York. He wrote me a letter including a list of new year's resolutions:
1. Go on at least 1 sexy date per week
2. Do 7 FUN things per week
3. Get good grades again
4. Eat ice cream every single day
5. Play soccer and score lots of goals
6. SPLURGE
7. Continue to be amazing!
I'm not sure what he is referring to when he says "splurge"...I guess that he is acknowledging the 7 fun things and ice cream will get pricey. As I was reading, I suspected that he chose those specific activities because he can't do them right now, and they sound fun (I guess he could eat ice cream but that's it). He's got nostalgia for pre-mish life.
I miss that boy!
12.02.2010
thursday
Nearing the end, but not the end of the week and I am
tired.
Tired of my classes and my students calling me when I'm asleep to ask for deadline extensions (really?), and of dreary days that look cold and feel colder.
And somehow I've managed to stay healthy all semester until the hell of finals and grading and paper paper paper writing set in this week.
And the snow on the mountains is taunting me because the only thing that makes utah livable in the winter is escaping to the mountains to ski, but I can't go until I cross off all of those to-do's on that never-ending scroll of paper.
And the only boys I've dated recently did impressions of mentally handicapped people and told me we should try out birth control to a room of people on the third time we'd ever talked--and I wonder if one day a normal male will be attracted to me.
And then today I had a peer review group find all of the nasty flaws in my argument that I was ignoring.
But my roommate is playing Pride and Prejudice music on the piano and I can hear it drifting up the stairs.
And I talked to my sisters yesterday.
And this morning I went on a walk when no one was out and it felt fresh and good to stretch my sore back.
And I got to spend a whole 6 days with my nieces and nephew last week in the sun, smelling the fresh lawn and rejoicing in them.
And I heard coldplay's new christmas song.
And my friend is glowing because she is engaged to the right man.
And I just found out my darling cousin-twin is coming to utah. Next friday.
And I am sitting in my quiet room as the sky grows darker and realizing that amidst the chaos of life, I am so, so blessed. And really, I wouldn't want things to be different.
tired.
Tired of my classes and my students calling me when I'm asleep to ask for deadline extensions (really?), and of dreary days that look cold and feel colder.
And somehow I've managed to stay healthy all semester until the hell of finals and grading and paper paper paper writing set in this week.
And the snow on the mountains is taunting me because the only thing that makes utah livable in the winter is escaping to the mountains to ski, but I can't go until I cross off all of those to-do's on that never-ending scroll of paper.
And the only boys I've dated recently did impressions of mentally handicapped people and told me we should try out birth control to a room of people on the third time we'd ever talked--and I wonder if one day a normal male will be attracted to me.
And then today I had a peer review group find all of the nasty flaws in my argument that I was ignoring.
But my roommate is playing Pride and Prejudice music on the piano and I can hear it drifting up the stairs.
And I talked to my sisters yesterday.
And this morning I went on a walk when no one was out and it felt fresh and good to stretch my sore back.
And I got to spend a whole 6 days with my nieces and nephew last week in the sun, smelling the fresh lawn and rejoicing in them.
And I heard coldplay's new christmas song.
And my friend is glowing because she is engaged to the right man.
And I just found out my darling cousin-twin is coming to utah. Next friday.
And I am sitting in my quiet room as the sky grows darker and realizing that amidst the chaos of life, I am so, so blessed. And really, I wouldn't want things to be different.
11.09.2010
weekend
As my brother and I drove to nana’s birthday we almost got lost in the labyrinth of great dark homes but wondered how because that country club was our summers, and how could we forget that? So we shared memories of sliding on the grass in our slippery skins and of holding hands hoping the other wouldn’t take the leap of faith from the high dive because then we would have to, and of putting grilled cheeses and popsicles on grandpa’s tab. When we walked inside I saw small girls with dark curling hair and white skin and big eyes. Girls who like ghost stories and want to be hobbits in the movies and who were born to carve serpentining scars through deep white powder. Girls that come from nana’s sons; she has five plus one daughter. Girls that share my blood, that are darker, dimpled versions of me.
Our dinner was pink steak and herbed creamy mashed potatoes with brown sugared squashes. The newest mother, one of the small dimpled girl had just written about fall squashes and her recipes, so we had all read and cooked and eaten the squashes as she had said to. So we compared the squashes at dinner to the ones we had eaten separately, but together. And they were warm with sugar and butter and smelled like fall and home. Then came the pie that one girl thought was just plain pie not apple pie because she didn’t know that pie comes in flavors. And we laughed and ate and laughed. And the room was full of us, connected by blood and memory, by loss and laughter, by pie and joy, and we were full.
Together we listened to the stories of our past, our history, our memory. A son-and- uncle told of nana shooting him with his bee-bee gun after he gloated over a glistening hummingbird’s body. Another son-and-uncle told of the sacrifice she made when she cared for three extra children that belonged to her twin because his wife died when she was twenty-seven, leaving her little clan motherless. They told of punishments and cleanliness, of arm-wrestling their mom, and of mud fights in the field, of being hit by cars and of a father who watched over them, day and night. One son-and-uncle said “Sometimes everything in your life is right, you are warm and you can hear your parents cooking bacon on a frigid morning in the drafty cabin and you know you are safe and warm and full.” Another reminded us that we are blessed to have the connections to one another that we do because any of us would do anything for the others, and that is what it means to be safe and warm and full.
We laughed and shared old stories again and again until the moon was overhead and the stars had been sparkling, reflecting in the pool outside for a long time. And as we left and kissed each other’s cheeks and promised more recipes and writing, we knew that everything was right.
Our dinner was pink steak and herbed creamy mashed potatoes with brown sugared squashes. The newest mother, one of the small dimpled girl had just written about fall squashes and her recipes, so we had all read and cooked and eaten the squashes as she had said to. So we compared the squashes at dinner to the ones we had eaten separately, but together. And they were warm with sugar and butter and smelled like fall and home. Then came the pie that one girl thought was just plain pie not apple pie because she didn’t know that pie comes in flavors. And we laughed and ate and laughed. And the room was full of us, connected by blood and memory, by loss and laughter, by pie and joy, and we were full.
Together we listened to the stories of our past, our history, our memory. A son-and- uncle told of nana shooting him with his bee-bee gun after he gloated over a glistening hummingbird’s body. Another son-and-uncle told of the sacrifice she made when she cared for three extra children that belonged to her twin because his wife died when she was twenty-seven, leaving her little clan motherless. They told of punishments and cleanliness, of arm-wrestling their mom, and of mud fights in the field, of being hit by cars and of a father who watched over them, day and night. One son-and-uncle said “Sometimes everything in your life is right, you are warm and you can hear your parents cooking bacon on a frigid morning in the drafty cabin and you know you are safe and warm and full.” Another reminded us that we are blessed to have the connections to one another that we do because any of us would do anything for the others, and that is what it means to be safe and warm and full.
We laughed and shared old stories again and again until the moon was overhead and the stars had been sparkling, reflecting in the pool outside for a long time. And as we left and kissed each other’s cheeks and promised more recipes and writing, we knew that everything was right.
10.25.2010
Monday
Cold was drifting in with the neighbors dog’s voice when I woke up in my dark bedroom today. I opened the dusted blinds to check the forecast but things weren’t looking favorable, not that I could tell because I saw only black. So I hurried and stood out of the water stream behind the new shower curtain until the steam warmed enough to coax me in. I arrived to my class panting with a dripping head of shower and rain, and my students stared at me like they were bored and nervous (paper due at 8am. “we thought at 4pm.” Okay, by 4pm but I’m being real nice so you had better like me, please).
We talked about globalization and how it encompasses everything else and how they could write about avatar or invictus or torture in heath’s last movie, or poverty or aids or war. And I felt sad to think about Mandela in that tiny cell for twentysevenlongyearsofhislife. That is my life+five years. But my students don’t know my age because I trick them to think I am older to compensate for my doll baby face. My baby face framed by cold wet rain-and hot shower hair.
Waiting for those students to turn in their papers made it a long day so I went to hear about vampires: creepy, snarky, puffy guys with one nostril and pink skin, according to eastern European peasants in the eighteenth century.
A very long day.
My throat feels a little sore and my head is a bit aching but maybe it’s because I got too much sleep last night because I didn’t feel so hot when I went to bed (besides my temperature) but I felt cold when I woke up because it was misty and dark and still, with only one voice echoing in my room.
We talked about globalization and how it encompasses everything else and how they could write about avatar or invictus or torture in heath’s last movie, or poverty or aids or war. And I felt sad to think about Mandela in that tiny cell for twentysevenlongyearsofhislife. That is my life+five years. But my students don’t know my age because I trick them to think I am older to compensate for my doll baby face. My baby face framed by cold wet rain-and hot shower hair.
Waiting for those students to turn in their papers made it a long day so I went to hear about vampires: creepy, snarky, puffy guys with one nostril and pink skin, according to eastern European peasants in the eighteenth century.
A very long day.
My throat feels a little sore and my head is a bit aching but maybe it’s because I got too much sleep last night because I didn’t feel so hot when I went to bed (besides my temperature) but I felt cold when I woke up because it was misty and dark and still, with only one voice echoing in my room.
10.13.2010
Hard things
Although I typically refrain from addressing anything serious or difficult via blogging, I feel compelled to confront the terribly hard topic of homosexuality. Most of you know that I am Mormon, and many of you are too. This is a very delicate topic, but I have been thinking about a lot lately--since Boyd K Packer's talk in general conference.
As is commonly known, many Mormons choose to abide by the 10 Commandments given to Moses in addition to others that have been given to prophets more recently. Two of the original 10 commandments are: Thou shalt not commit adultery, and, Thou shalt not covet. Like many other worshipers, including Christians and Jews, Mormons believe that no person is exempt from the edicts of God. We believe his word to be true and final.
That being said, homosexuality is a delicate issue. In his talk, Boyd Packer stated that God did not make people homosexual. I believe this to be true. I also believe that God did not give some people a particularly strong sex drive, health problems, mental disorders, or any manner of physical trials. I believe that those are the products of mortality, of having a body. And those who believe that God did make people homosexual (and who thus believe sodomy okay) do not believe God; he declared sodomy a sin.
I have heard multiple Mormons argue: "homosexual tendencies are no different from other trials. Some people have tendencies to be alcoholics, and others gamblers ect." While I am not trying to discredit anyone's opinions, I am not sure that those trials are similar at all. From what I understand (and I am no expert), many people feel attraction to the same sex from a very young age, and feel it at all times. Potential gamblers and alcoholics must first try gambling or alcohol to gain addictions; homosexuals don't need to fornicate to feel same-sex attraction. For this reason, I feel that this trial is particularly difficult, and I feel great sympathy for those with feelings of same-sex attraction (I am not trying to sound patronizing or reductive here).
Which brings me to my next point: the sin of homosexuality is sexual sin, covetousness, inappropriate thoughts. There is a distinction between acting upon tendencies and not acting. I believe that those who do not participate in or encourage those tendencies, who actively seek God's help, and who exercise faith will be blessed.
I believe the words of Boyd Packer. As I have said, this issue is hard and I debated for a long time about writing. I already fear some of the comments I may receive. Please know that Mormons believe in a gospel founded upon love, upon respect, upon kindness, upon not judging. And thus I think it is very important that Mormons recognize the difficulties surrounding this issue, that they do not dismiss and ignore it, that they make a conscious effort to think about it and to decide how they will treat their (spirit) brothers and sisters.
This may sound contradictory to those who disagree with me, but, my intent and Elder Packer's intent in speaking is not to be unkind or bigoted toward other people. It is to firmly support the commands of God.
As is commonly known, many Mormons choose to abide by the 10 Commandments given to Moses in addition to others that have been given to prophets more recently. Two of the original 10 commandments are: Thou shalt not commit adultery, and, Thou shalt not covet. Like many other worshipers, including Christians and Jews, Mormons believe that no person is exempt from the edicts of God. We believe his word to be true and final.
That being said, homosexuality is a delicate issue. In his talk, Boyd Packer stated that God did not make people homosexual. I believe this to be true. I also believe that God did not give some people a particularly strong sex drive, health problems, mental disorders, or any manner of physical trials. I believe that those are the products of mortality, of having a body. And those who believe that God did make people homosexual (and who thus believe sodomy okay) do not believe God; he declared sodomy a sin.
I have heard multiple Mormons argue: "homosexual tendencies are no different from other trials. Some people have tendencies to be alcoholics, and others gamblers ect." While I am not trying to discredit anyone's opinions, I am not sure that those trials are similar at all. From what I understand (and I am no expert), many people feel attraction to the same sex from a very young age, and feel it at all times. Potential gamblers and alcoholics must first try gambling or alcohol to gain addictions; homosexuals don't need to fornicate to feel same-sex attraction. For this reason, I feel that this trial is particularly difficult, and I feel great sympathy for those with feelings of same-sex attraction (I am not trying to sound patronizing or reductive here).
Which brings me to my next point: the sin of homosexuality is sexual sin, covetousness, inappropriate thoughts. There is a distinction between acting upon tendencies and not acting. I believe that those who do not participate in or encourage those tendencies, who actively seek God's help, and who exercise faith will be blessed.
I believe the words of Boyd Packer. As I have said, this issue is hard and I debated for a long time about writing. I already fear some of the comments I may receive. Please know that Mormons believe in a gospel founded upon love, upon respect, upon kindness, upon not judging. And thus I think it is very important that Mormons recognize the difficulties surrounding this issue, that they do not dismiss and ignore it, that they make a conscious effort to think about it and to decide how they will treat their (spirit) brothers and sisters.
This may sound contradictory to those who disagree with me, but, my intent and Elder Packer's intent in speaking is not to be unkind or bigoted toward other people. It is to firmly support the commands of God.
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